A Fairly Harmless Pet
by Willow08
Summary: Just a very random piece about Torchwood's pet. Notes written from Ianto's point of view. Classified Information - for Torchwood Eyes Only. Spoilers for Series 1. Chapter 2 added - additional spoilers for Series 1.
1. Pterodactyl

Classified Information - Torchwood Eyes Only (past, present or future)

Catalogue No. :19

Reference No. : 457

Species: Pteranodon ( known commonly as pterodactyl)

Home Planet: Earth?

Gender: Unknown.

Staff Member: Ianto Jones

Additional Notes:

I like our pterodactyl. You could argue it got me the job at Torchwood but Jack would be inclined to disagree. We adopted it, for want of a better word, as a pet. It's not an ordinary pet, I know, but we're not exactly a normal institute are we?

I'm calling it 'it' because we don't really know if its male or female. Gwen and Tosh decided it's male. Jack insisted firmly that its female and Owen said he doesn't care, its only a "bloody pterodactyl". There are two very good reasons why I won't enter this discussion.

1) I don't claim to know anything about this species

2) I'm not a gambling man - I should explain that Jack bet £20 that its female and I don't like loosing to Jack (besides he cheats, he always cheats).

[personally I think Jack might be right - he knows people. Dinosaur people.]

We let our "pet" out at night for some fresh air. Thank God there's not been too many sightings - I've already told Jack that I'm not filling in the paper work for them - it was his idea to let it out. I refuse to fill in unnecessary paper work. Refuse. With a capital R. Unless Jack asks nicely in which case I might be persuaded. But only if he asks nicely.

A few sheep went missing once near Barry but Toshiko invented a cover story and silenced the uproar. Apparently black panthers are less of a hazard than our flesh eating, flying reptile. We still needed to use Retcon though.

Overall, I am convinced that a pterodactyl is a fairly harmless pet. Though I wouldn't recommend one - it might eat your children (or your sheep).

Update:

I LIKED the pterodactyl.

Notice the past tense.

I LIKED the pterodactyl.

Until it attacked Lisa.

Now I'm not so fond.

IJ. x

Note from Ianto Jones - This document is security tagged. If you attempt to remove it, I will have to Retcon you. Sorry.

Note from Author - This is so random and so unlike my other fics - a bi-product of being very bored I think.


	2. Weevil

Classified Information - Torchwood Eyes Only (past, present or future)

Catalogue No. :21

Reference No. : 006

Species: Unknown ( We call them Weevils)

Home Planet: Unknown

(though I imagine it would be full of flowers, with a purple sky and a lovely warm sun)

Gender: Unknown.

Staff Member: Ianto Jones

Additional Notes:

Weevils live in the sewers under Cardiff. It puts you off them straight away doesn't it? It doesn't mean they stay in the sewers though. The frequency of Weevil sightings and attacks on humans is increasing, though the cause remains unknown. I think they've developed a liking for human meat. Perhaps we make a change from whatever they were eating in the sewers. The attacks seem to occur more frequently at the weekend (I pointed this out to Jack who suggested that they eat humans for Sunday Dinner) and are becoming more violent in nature.

So what did Torchwood do? We decided to keep one as a pet. Well actually Jack did. A part time hobby so we could, I quote, "observe" them. I decided to make a rota called Weevil Watch but the idea wasn't popular and Owen promptly shredded my lovely sheets.

The Weevil we captured was initially called Barbara but Jack changed it to Janet. I don't know why and I've never asked. Janet seems to suit it more anyway. Owen took a liking to our resident Weevil and the security cameras show him in regular conversations with our captive especially after the "Diane incident". I should state here that Weevils cannot communicate with humans, in the same way you cannot talk to your hamster. They appear to communicate with each other telepathically, though this idea has yet to be explored further.

We discovered that humans were capturing Weevils and fighting with them for some sort of sick entertainment. Jack decided to release Janet in Cardiff with the hope 'she' would be captured and taken to the fight club. Toshiko and I protested. Loudly. Very Loudly. WEEVILS KILL PEOPLE but apparently Jack had forgotten that. Jack being Jack ignored us and the plan went ahead. It ran smoothly (grrr) and Janet led us right into the heart of the fighting scene. There we found Owen attempting to kill himself in the ring. Some quick thinking and perfectly timed, wonderfully executed and very macho heroics by Jack saved him. Owen wasn't impressed. (see additional report)

Janet was fine. 'She' survived the incident and is now safely back in our holding cells. Debate begins on Weevil rights much to Toshiko's delight.

I'm rather inclined to think that Weevils aren't actually that bad. Once they are behind two inch bullet proof, extra strength glass, I can see their appeal. I certainly wouldn't hurt one.

I wouldn't recommend one as a pet though. We've got one and all its done is cause me extra paperwork. If Jack suggests we get a "friend" for Janet one more time, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

On that note, I might go and check on Janet. She might want a coffee.

IJ x

Note from Ianto Jones - this document is security tagged. If you remove it I might set Janet on you. Though that might be against Weevil rights…I'll ask Toshiko.

Note from author - I love Janet the Weevil!!


End file.
